Modern Day FMA
by The Goddess of Darkness
Summary: Telma Darelene is short tempered, fearless, except for when it comes to needles and her mum, and hates to lose. She is very quick to perform acts of violence and people only see her girly side when she watches a certain anime called FMA. One day, her top three favorite characters, Kimblee, Greed, and Envy, appear in her living room. Rated T or Violence and language. Kimblee x OC
1. Self Control

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood in any way, shape or form.**

_"Hey! Land dwweller! It's time to get up and do...PEASANTY THINGS!" _Telma allowed a wide grin to spread across her face as she slowly sat up, stretching her arms high above her head, allowing a loud tired groan to escape her throat.

The fifteen year old could hear her Eridan alarm going off again, and again, and again. "Oh, gog, Eridan. I mean, I love you and everything but do me a favor!" She threw the covers off of her and slowly brought her fist up high over her head. "SHUT!" She slammed her fist down on the snooze button. "UP!"

She heard a loud crash downstairs and gritted her teeth in anger. "Stupid dog." She growled under her breath as she threw on a pair of black jeans and a blood red tank top. She didn't even bother turning the knob on the door, seeing as the door was broken and if you pulled hard enough it would just open on it's own.

She flew open the door and slammed it loudly behind her. She darted forward and ran down the stairs, her nails dragging along the railing before she turned the corner and burst into the kitchen.

"What the fuck are you doing you stupid dog!?" She snapped furiously as she dug her nails into her scalp. The dig slowly turned to look her in the eye and quickly ran into the living room when he saw her glaring daggers at him. She snatched up a glass shard from the broken vase and quickly dropped it as a stinging pain hit her hand.

"Fucking hell!" She cursed before she stormed out of the room to grab the broom, blood dripping from her hand. She heard another crash and immediately felt more rage swarm around her. She stormed straight out of the room into the living room, a scowl on her face as she stormed in but stopped, her eyes widening as she saw quite the scene before her in her living room.

In the middle of her living room there stood Greed, arguing with Envy while Kimblee simply sat on the couch watching them amused.

"..." She blinked several times dumbfounded. It was the first greed either in all his epic hotness. It was Greeling. In her opinion the most perfect character ever made. The first FMA antagonist she ever fell for, mixed together with the idiotic prince of Xing.

Her eyes flicked over to Envy. Don't get Telma wrong. She adored Envy. But compared to Greed...He could go die in a hole for all she cared.

She blinked as she glanced over at Kimblee and bit down harshly on her tongue as she tried to contain her squeal. She had a total of four characters she loved the most. Her reactions, fangirl wise, went a specific order from squealing so hard she almost died, to just giggling a little at him.

She had a very specific order.

Out of all four of them her FAVORITE was Kimblee. Not original anime Kimblee, just brotherhood. Her next was Greed, which included Greeling, of course. Her third was Ling. And finally Envy.

Kimblee smirked at her as he met her gaze. It was almost like he was staring into her soul. She simply stood there, leaning against the doorway with her arms crossed over her chest. She was very good at masking her emotions, therefore the look on her face wasn't excited, or 'oh-my-god-I-am-fangirling-so-hard-on-the-inside-r ight-now-I-think-I-wanna-die.", It was a very unimpressed expression.

Greed raised an eyebrow at her. "Hey there, doll." She simply blinked, using every ounce of self control she had not to start screaming. She scoffed and rolled her eyes before she whipped around and headed back into the kitchen.

She knelt down with a small plastic bowl in hand and slowly picked up each shard of glass that still lay on the floor. Once she was done she stood up to find herself face to face with Envy. The homunculus simply punched her in the gut.

She made no sounds what. So. EVER! She just allowed her body to bend slightly from the force of the impact before she started to giggle with a small smile. "Are you finished yet, mate." Envy seemed to remember something and immediately stopped his assault.

She rolled her eyes and spun around only to come face to face, or rather, face to Greed's chest who was smirking like a motherfucking Cheshire cat. She froze when she heard something. It was the familiar sound of a floor board creaking from upstairs.

"If you'll excuse me." She said as she slowly walked around him and towards the stairs. With every step she took her whole body relaxed more and more until her shoulders, arms, and fingers were hanging loosely whereas her face had a wide, almost insane grin on it.

She slowly creaked open her door to find her brother, Tyler, standing near her bed going through different files on her computer. She blinked and quickly reached into her pockets to find her Ipod gone.

She smirked as she silently walked forward towards the ten year old. A floorboard creaked under her weight causing the small boy's head to shoot up and every muscle in his body to visibly stiffen. Telma smirked before she launched herself forward and knocked the kid onto the bed easily.

He squirmed under her hold and easily slipped her arms under his and moved her hands behind his head, locking her fingers together to hold him there easily. "Telma!" The boy whined as she slowly rested her head on her hands with a soft smile on her face.

"Mornin' Ty." She smirked as the boy visibly paled.

"Get off of me!" He demanded as he thrashed around making Telma's job at keeping him in the headlock very unpleasant.

"Will you stop squirming, you little brat?!" She snapped, her teeth grinding together in anger. "You know how this fucking works, Ty." She said causing the kid to gulp. "Where is my Ipod." She questioned causing him to glare up at her.

"I'm not gonna fucking tell you." He spat causing her to sigh.

"That's too bad." She said as she slowly wrapped her legs around his waist to hold him in place before she dragged her computer closer and brought up a video that had the title "You can't fight the homestuck."

"GHA! No, not homestuck!" He cried.

"Where is it?" She snapped.

"B-Behind your hamster cage." She sighed and easily rolled off of him before she slowly walked over to the cage. She move it aside and narrowed her eyes dangerously as she saw nothing but wall behind it.

Tyler quickly tried to run past her only fro her to wrap her arm around his neck and pul him in a strong headlock. "What did you delete from my computer!?" She snapped.

"N-Nothing, I just..."

"You just, WHAT?! Just. What? What, Tyler Avery Darelene, Exactly, did you do?" She narrowed her eyes even further causing her little brother to gulp slightly.

"I just revived Sarah! You shouldn't have killed her off!" He said suddenly causing her to sigh.

"This is why I warned you not to read any of my stories. You get too attached to thing." She punched him on the head. "Now, hand over my Ipod before I rip you limb from- Yeah, no I can't even say that with a straight face. But seriously Tyler, hand it over, before I go all Sober Gamzee on your ass!"

"You wouldn't!" He challenged causing her to smirk.

"You stole my fucking Ipod for no fucking reason. And now? AND MOTEHRFUCKING NOW! I am going to motherfucking ki-"

"Okay, okay!" He finally gave in and fished her black Ipod with the skull sticker on the back out of his pocket and handed it to her.

She snatched it away from him and gave it a quick look over before she smiled and let him go only to grab him by the ear and drag him out of her room before she quickly slammed the door in his face and literally jumped from the door into the air to land face first on her bed.

She pulled the black laptop onto her lap and did her best to ignore Envy, Greed, and Kimblee as Greed and Envy walked around her room, going through her stuff.

* * *

**Yeah. This is a pretty shitty first chapter, but I'll try t make the next one better. :)**

**Review?**

**~The Goddess of Darkness.**


	2. A Traumatizing Experience

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. **

Telma narrowed her eyes slightly, her eyes scrunching up as she tried hard not to blink. "Almost...there..." She murmured as she continued to type. She typed up a quick authors note before she slowly posted the post and pushed her computer away from her. She deflated and lay there with her face buried in her covers as she let out a long sigh and slowly sat up again. "Finally. Done." She whispered with a relieved sigh before she opened her eyes to see her room in absolute chaos. There were pages scattered all over the floor as well as books and all her gaming systems, games, and tv series while the movies were scattered across her desk.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" She screamed making Envy and Greed jump slightly.

"Uh oh." Envy and Greed muttered in unison as a pissed of teenager stalked towards them.

* * *

Telma was currently sat on her bed, rubbing her temples as irritation seemed to come off of her in great waves. She shot a glare at the homunculi and threw a empty can of coke at them. She glared daggers at them. "Is it too much to bloody well ask that you at the very least don't go through my anime, Manga, tv series', movies, novels, games, and my purple notebook?" She snapped irritably.

A couple of hours passed and she soon found herself in an argument with Envy. "I said, Purple notebook, OFf LIMITS!" She yelled as she put her hands on her hips.

"So?" Envy was really pissing her off now.

"Envy, please give me back the purple notebook, or so help me god, I will go over to that computer, I will go on DA, FF, Google, Zerochan, Youtube, AND Tumblr, and I will show you every. Single. Smutty thing that the internet has to offer in every single pairing involving you!" She snapped earning a raised eyebrow from him.

"I highly doubt that stuff even exists."

"Oh?" She stormed past Greed and Kimblee over to her bed and started to type furiously. About 15 minutes later she had six tabs open. she shoved the computer in Envy's face and proceeded to go through every single picture, story, and video the internet had to offer, involving Envy.

She grinned half an hour later as she lay on her stomach on her bed writing in the purple notebook while a traumatized Envy simply stood there with a mortified look on his face.

"What?" She question as she received an odd look from Greed. "He should count his blessings. I could've shown him the videos I've made. But I didn't. Cause I'm nice." She grinned widely at them before she resumed her made internet browsing.

* * *

She was in the process of laying, upside down with her legs from the knee down on the top of her bed and her head and arms on the floor. "So, bored!" She muttered before she received a notification on her cell.

_'Hey, sis. What the fuck are you doing!?' _"I don't wanna deal with your shit right now, Sharlene." She muttered and responded with exactly that. The conversation, unfortunately continued.

_'That's so mean! What a way to talk to your older sister.'_

_'I don't give a rats ass!'_

_'What's your problem? I figured you'd be in paradise with Kimblee, Envy, and your precious Greed there.'_

_'You'd think so wouldn't you. Envy is being an immature prick and is eyeing my computer like it's going to bite him. rofl.'_

_'What did you show him?'_

_'Smut.'_

_'...You didn't.'_

_'Uh huh! Any and all smut involving him!'_

_'Well no wonder he doesn't trust that junk pile your call a computer.'_

_'Hey! Don't diss the computer, man! You don't get to diss the computer! The computer disses YOU!'_

_'Ha ha ha. So what are you even doing! I've replied! Several times!'_

_'I'm laid on my back partially on the floor bored as fuck.'_

_'Why don't you just watch FMA? Are any of them even there?'_

_"No. They went off to rummage through the rest of the house.'_

_'And you LET them?'_

_'Yeah? So what?'_

_'They could destroy everything.'_

_'I feel like I should care about that. But I don't.'_

_'Fuck you.' _She grinned before she quickly shut off her phone.

* * *

A couple of hours passed by and it was well past 2 am. She wasn't tired. Not really. Telma was currently laid on her back just staring up at the ceiling, bored as fuck when her mother came storming in, completely disregarding Kimblee, Greed, and Envy's presences as she had been doing ever since they arrived.

"Your room smells like pee again." Her mother said.

"Probably cause every day I'm forced to harbor a psycho dog that takes enjoyment in pissing and shitting all over my room." She said not even bothering to sit up to talk to her.

"I asked you to mop your room to get rid of the smell yesterday." Her mother, Linda, pointed out.

"Hm..." She tapped her chin as she thought back. "AH. So you did." She replied before she sighed. "I've just been doing shit, so she's probably just being a smelly old fuck again or some shit." She said gesturing to the sleeping lab.

"Go get the mop and mop your floor." Linda ordered her.

"Now?" Telma whined as she moved her head back so that the top of her head was pressing against the mattress.

"Yes. Now." Linda instructed her before she turned to the hamster cage where a white hamster was currently crawling up the bars.

"Ugh." She groaned as she slowly grabbed a pillow and dropped it on the floor next to her before she rolled off of the bed and landed face first onto the pillow before she heaved herself up to her feet.

"There should be holidays for lazy people." She grumbled as she slowly made her way out the door of her bedroom.

"There should be kick up the butts for lazy people." Her mother retorted swiftly.

Telma glared at her before she poked her tongue out at her and slowly slumped down the stairs, leaving a snickering Envy, A speechless Greed, and an intrigued Kimblee in the room.

* * *

**Yeah. This chapter was really shitty. I'll probably update this again tomorrow, but I dunno, **

**Review?**

**~The Goddess of Darkness.**


	3. Blood tests and Fangirling

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. **

"Telma!" Linda's voice sounded from downstairs alerting the two Homunculi, the alchemist, and the teenager of her mothers presence nearby.

"Uh...WHAT!?" She screamed down the stairs in annoyance.

"Come on. You gotta go have you blood tested today!" Telma visibly paled.

"Uh, yeah! Sure. Can't wait! Just let me, uh, Get ready!" She called down awkwardly before she darted to her closet and dragged out one of her mothers manikin's. She grabbed a nearby wig that was the same color and length as her own hair and quickly slipped some of her clothes on it. "Sorry, mom. I'd rather die." She muttered as she forced the window open and stared down out the window at the side of her house before she jumped down out of the window.

"GAH!" Envy and Greed exclaimed as they stared out the window to see her struggling to free herself from a bush. Once she had finally done so she took off running in the opposite direction of the house. "What do you think THAT was all about?" Envy questioned.

"I dunno." Greed said with a small shrug as he leaned against the wall.

"You!" The three of them turned to look at the girls mother who was furious. "Where. Did. She. Go?" She growled out through gritted teeth.

"Out the window." Greed said casually. Linda held her glare with him for a few moments more before she deflated.

"Christ. Not again." She groaned as she slowly turned around to leave before she stopped. "SINCE YOU THREE ARE HER 'top three character crushes' THEN _YOU _CAN HELP LOOK FOR HER!" She yelled, clearly enraged before she stalked down the stairs.

"I guess we now know where this girl gets her temper from." Greed commented.

* * *

Telma was running at full speed along the side walk past several houses and trees when she happened to glance over her shoulder to see her mothers friend's son, Leo, chasing after her. She quickly grabbed a hold of a tree branch and pulled herself up higher and higher until she was a good enough safe distance away from the ground. If there was one thing Leo was terrified of it was heights.

"Telm-"

"Nope! My blood is staying in my veins! No creepy ass old man is gonna get my fucking blood! I'd rather die!"

"Telma! You are being immature and childish!" Linda shouted from below where she stood with Greed, Envy, and Kimblee.

"Yeah! I know! This may be news to you, but guess what?! I'm a teenager! Of course I'm gonna be immature. Guess what! I GET TO MATURE!" She ranted.

* * *

Many arguments later and Telma sat brooding in her room with a small frown on her face as she went through her computer. She slowly hummed quietly to herself before she set the computer down on a upside-down laundry hamper before she clicked play.

Kimblee narrowed his eyes as he realized she was...watching something that had, happened to him before. "What-" Before he could finish Telma had spun around and was currently waving a finger in his face. "SHOOSH!" She hissed before she jumped back onto the bed, a wide almost insane grin on her face as she waited through the opening theme and watched intently.

_"We've finally got Scar cornered, and now he's taken her hostage because of you!" _Telma's eyebrow twitched as she frowned.

"You shouldn't place the blame on others, Ed. It's rude!" She growled out as she glared at the screen.

_"Stand aside." _Her eyes brightened and she shot up in her seat as she started to make hysterical noises as she rocked back and forth.

"OMGOMGOMG! SHIT'S ABOUT TO GO DOWN! OHGOGOHGOGOHGOG!" She squealed before she fell back down on her back on the bed and started to roll around. Kimblee frowned. He preferred it when people were scared of him. It amused him. But this girl...she was actually _excited _for when he did things that scared most people.

_~Flashback~_

_"Hey, Telma! Where are you!?" Linda called as she walked around the house only to make the mistake of walking into her daughters room. Off to one side of the room was Kimblee, white suit and all. She missed the days when her daughter hated him. Then she only had to deal with her daughters rants about Greed, but now? Now she had to deal with her daughters rants about this guy. Kimblee? Maybe. She really couldn't give half a toss on what this guys name was, Greed, some guy with a ponytail, and some guy that looked like a palmtree._

_"..." Telma was beaming happily at her mother._

_"Hey Mom!" She said happily as she hugged her knees close to herself._

_"I thought I told you and your friends no cosplaying in the house." Linda snapped._

_"This isn't cosplay~" She giggled like a lunatic._

_"Then what is it?!" Telma just giggled._

_"It's a fangirls greatest fantasy!" She said with a bright smile that Linda hadn't seen in a long time. Linda wasn't thrilled to say the least about having three psychopaths in her house. The 36 year old was terrified. She slowly turned around and gently closed the door behind her before she hurried off out of the house._

_~End Flashback~ _

Kimblee blinked at her reaction to his wanting to blow things up. _"Why can't you just stay out of the way?" _Telma narrowed her eyes as she sat back up and glared at the screen.

"Yeah Ed! You always ruin all of the best moments! How could you! I swear, I just wanna knock you out I mean HONESTLY! Do you have to be such a... You know what there is no cuss word in this world that you're good enough for!" She hissed at the screen.

"Not a big fan of the fullmetal pipsqueak?" Envy guess.

"NO! I. AM. NOT!" She snapped. "In the original anime he killed Greed, in this version he ALMOST let a bunch of stupid assholes kill Kimblee, in this version he fucking called Ling an idiot, not saying that he isn't an idiot but theres no need to say it aloud, and in the original he fucking killed Greed!" She ranted.

"Uh, you said that he killed Greed twice." Envy pointed out.

"YES! TO MAKE A BLOODY POINT!" She exclaimed as she pointed a finger at him in anger.

All of a sudden there was a big flash of light and when the light dimmed a very pissed off Ed, and a confused Ling stood in front of them.


	4. Important Author's Note PLEASE READ

**Okay guys, brace yourselves. This will probably have a lot of mistakes because I am using my mums mac and I am not use to this damned keyboard at fucking all!**

**Okay so basically long story short my cats got at my computer lead and chewed right through my computer lead. So I definitely will not be able to use my computer for a good couple of months until I can get a new one. **

**As such I think it goes without saying that I will definitely not be updating for a while. **

**Trust me guys, I want nothing more than to update, but I can't. My Mum's keyboard is too difficult to use, I keep typing 'equals.' instead of 'backspace.'. And 'caps lock' instead of 'A'. This keyboard is so much smaller and way differenter than my PC computers keyboard.**

**When I do come back from this hiatus, don't worry, I will make it up to you guys~**

**Again, I am really sorry about this.**

**I will see you guys in a couple of months,**

**Maybe longer.**

**Don't know when I'll be getting my new lead.**

**I hope you guys will still be reviewing and reading my shit when I come back.**

**:o)**

**hONK HONK, GUYS,**

**Bye.**

**~The Goddess of Darkness.**


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